you think that the four last words of the National Anthem are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

during a funeral procession you weave back and forth to get your tires in shape for the restart.

you think about Brooke Gordon during sex.

you think about Jeff Gordon has the two best rides in NASCAR.

you call skid marks in your underwear a "Darlington Stripe."

you refer to your wide as "winning the pole" after sex.

you cant remember your husband's birthday, but can remember the last 10 Winston Cup Points Champions.

you have ever had the number "3" tattooed anywhere on your body.

you are reported missing and the police are advised to check all race tracks first.

in your will you leave your money and possessions to NASCAR stating that you are to be buried in the infield.

your first and middle name is Richard Petty.

you compile our shopping list based on sponsorships.

you enter the gas station at 70 mph, then attempt to complete at 14 second "pit-stop"

your favorite turns are left turns.

you've ever had to explain to an officer, whose giving you a sobriety test, that your weaving from lane to lane was just an attempt to get more fuel into your car.

you think Richard Petty should be president.

when you are the first car stopped at a stop light, you consider yourself "on the pole"

your mechanic has to remind your constantly that he's not your crew chief.

you've ever told a cop,"but officer I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting."

you've ever spun out a car trying to pass it on the interstate, and explained to the officer that "Rubbing is Racing"

your son took the race tire you have from Darrell Waltrips car, to school for show and tell.

you take your wife out driving with you, cause you need a spotter.